Politics 101: How to Win Votes

Did you notice it's almost election time? There's a new-found urgency to fulfill forgotten promises. Innovative name-calling is peaking. Plus the mudslinging is in overdrive. Politics is in the air. So much seems to be happening in the country all of a sudden – it’s Mr. Random Politician’s way of bringing in the votes from every possible demographic. If you are an aspiring politician, these are some pretty great role models to look up to and draw inspiration from. Here are the top vote-winning ideas drawn from campaigning efforts over the last couple of days:

• Need the tree-hugging environmentalist vote? Taking legal action against the Japanese is the way to go. Calling the Opposition a few names while you’re at it will always win you a few extra points too.
   
• Looking for the naturalized citizen vote? Easy…make them believe the leading parties are both xenophobic – that should get you a more “colourful” vote. Kill two birds with the same stone – win the paranoid, hysterical bogan vote too – convince them that diverting boats to Christmas Island and denying refuge is what is best for Australia. What a great issue! Any party can spin it any which way they like and still win votes from someone somewhere in Australia. Win-win! Don’t worry Mr. Random Politician – we love it that you believe, us Australians don’t really know anything about human rights anyway so you’ll be right.
   
• Know what makes Australians angry? Making false promises related to sport & sporting venues. If you're the Opposition, get smart and use this to your advantage and remind people how they were denied their AFL stadium. That should get you some testosterone-charged votes. Easy done.
  
  
• Introducing a new tax but worried that people might figure out it may do more harm than good? No worries - simply spend millions of taxpayer dollars to advertise the awesomeness of it because it is such an "urgent" issue after all. Go a step further - tug at the heartstrings by making like it's all in "public interest".
  
  
• And if all else fails, do it Stephen Conroy style – convincing people how stupid they are and how much smarter he is for trying so hard to protect them from the big bad world by censoring their internet and pointing fingers at anyone who might raise an eyebrow.

For more ideas on political campaigning and how to win votes, simply read the news everyday. Mr. Random Politician will come up with ingenious new ideas every day, I promise you.

It's the question that drives us, Neo

Should he or shouldn't he?....(have won the Nobel, that is. And that's as far as I'm going with the Matrix reference).

For the last couple of days I have watched the world debate about whether or not Barack Obama deserves the honour and I have unashamedly sat on the fence because for some reason I didn't have any strong opinions about either side of the argument. (Not having strong opinions on a topic that is being talked to death was hard enough to handle.)

I know Americans expect a lot from their President currently and although I do believe Obama will change things for his country and on the international front as well, I do not expect miracles the way many Americans seem to. I believe he will make changes but he is no magic fix. Anyway, so yes I like Obama... but still found it hard to un-objectively (yes I know its not a word) take either side of the Nobel argument.

Choosing a Nobel prize winner is as closely guarded a secret as the choosing of the Pope by the Conclave (possibly more) so there is definitely no way the world is getting its hands on the Obama's Pros and Cons list that the Nobel committee made before they made their decision. This probably infuriates people more than anything. It seems as though if they had access to the inner workings of the minds of the 4 women and 1 man who made the decision, all would be okay again.

Yes, it is very early into his Presidency and I cannot deny that he doesn't have much action to back up his newly forced upon claim to fame but may be a Nobel Peace Prize has become impossible to give because the current generation is far removed from peace on various levels.

Where Obama is lacking in action, he has succeeded in inspiration. True, prizes are not awarded in anticipation of a win but may be there are reasons more convincing? May be Obama deserved to win because no other world leader has inspired a hope for peace the way he has within months of being in office.

I believe our generation does not know the meaning of peace - personal, public, national or international so for a Nobel committee to choose a winner may have been a tough job in itself. May be Obama received it as a Consolation prize for Best Effort but maybe he is not entirely undeserving either. It cannot be denied that the USA is like everybody's big brother so when the world finally realised Obama was the possible cure for the diseased older brother, it cheered - hard and loud (and secretly wished they could vote too!). Such international enthusiasm for a presidential election is unlikely to have ever occured before Obama because Obama wining American votes has symbolised different things to different people from across the world. But most importantly, it has encouraged the world to change their expectations of the USA and Obama has revamped the American image to a great extent... may be his current ability to inspire is proof enough of his poential future ability to become a great leader...and maybe that is what the Norwegians considered when they decided to shake things up a little this year.

Yes, from what I've written here,  I have managed to reveal to myself and to you that I am slightly more partial to the idea of him being worthy of the prize but again, fence-sitting is a joy I don't often tke advantage of so I might change my mind too!

Worthy or not, if Obama didn't already feel the pressure his countrymen were putting on him; now the world too will look at him as the potential miracle maker as well. Failure or success remains to be seen but the journey there just got excruciatingly harder for Obama.